Don't you send me to vm
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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