I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
