its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In other news, I just burned my penis
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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