You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize