you win again, gameday.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
