put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i'm inner monologue high
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize