Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have demons in me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
