i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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