have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
