I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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