All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize