you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
