I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
