I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
