I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
