There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
