6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
