She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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