What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
