There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize