Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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