I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
