If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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