I love black thongs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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