Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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