I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
