around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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