Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
