I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
