How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just gift wrapped bread.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
