I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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