He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
