I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
