I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
