This is not my ceiling
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize