I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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