I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
