Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
