Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
