do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
