My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
