I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You dont lie about slip and slides
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
