You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
