oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
