just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
