he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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