dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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