I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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