if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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