based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
