Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
