Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
