i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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