I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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