I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Randomize
