Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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