cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
