I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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