Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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