how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
