So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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