Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
