The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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