Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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