Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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