I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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