why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
