just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
