it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize