True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
