It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
