I can tuck mytits in my pants
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
