I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
