I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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